Even If…

November 19, 2014 by


A few days ago, I shared about losing a precious aunt to cancer and about others in my life who have survived it. (You can read Locks of Love…A Story of My Aunts & Uncles in a new window by clicking here. Go ahead… I’ll wait for ya!)

After losing her, I found myself in the middle of the biggest crisis of faith I have ever faced. Years of fervent prayers by countless people left us all with a huge hole in our lives.

Frankly, I was angry at God. He failed us. He let us down. He wasn’t there for us when we needed Him. Why should I spend my life loving, worshiping, and serving a God like that?

The story of this journey will need to be shared another time. Let’s just say for now that the same experience that caused me to shake my fists at God in anger is also the one that has grown me more in my faith than any other experience in my life.

The summary version is that I have realized that God is God and I am not. His thoughts and His ways are not mine and I am simply too small to not only not comprehend, but to even question His wisdom. (Studying the book of Job was instrumental in working through this, by the way).

Again, time doesn’t allow for me to develop this journey with the explanation it deserves, but let me share this beautiful, powerful song with you because it speaks of this subject in a far better way than my words ever could.

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One
Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though you reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

You’re still the great and mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing Your praise
You are God and we will bless You
As the good and faithful One
Even if the healing doesn’t come

(lyrics by the very talented Kutless)

He didn’t heal and answer our prayers the way we begged Him to.

And yet, He is still the great and mighty One. He is God, He is good, and He is the forever faithful One. Not only does He love us, but He is working all things for our good.

So let us set our faith in who He is because we know His goodness and we can always trust in that.

Even if we don’t understand.

Even if we wish things were different.

Even if the healing doesn’t come.

Father God, thank You that You are mighty and faithful and that You love us. Help us to trust in who You are and to trust in You knowing that You are good and that we are loved. Even if You don’t write the story the way we would. Even if we wish things were different. Even if, and when, the healing doesn’t come. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen. 

To hear Kutless’ song Even If click here.

To purchase their album (one of my all-time favorites!) click here.

What do you think? Have you learned to trust God even if…?

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44 Responses to Even If…

  1. Cindy Swanson

    Wonderful song by Kutless! Your post also brought to mind Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “God is God.” So many times, the answer boils down to that. “God is God and I am not…I can only see a part of the picture he’s painting.” So, when the “questions without answers come to paralyze the dancer,” that’s the truth we cling to.


    Cindy Garrett Swanson

  2. Anita Ojeda

    It’s so hard to accept that God’s will is different than our will–I don’t presume to know his ways and reasons and I have to content myself with ‘saving up my questions for heaven.’

    • Heather

      Me, too, Anita. I can’t wait for heaven for then we shall see Him as He is and all of our questions will either be answered or irrelevant. Thanks for reading!

    • Heather

      Yes, Jenny, that is so true! It is nice when we can look back and thank Him for our experiences even though we couldn’t imagine that at the time.

  3. Lux Ganzon

    This speaks volumes of truth. We always get disheartened and feel neglected and rejected by God when things don’t go our way. Heather, it is normal to be angry with God. Because we are emotional, irrational beings. Guess what, in all His perfection and glory, He understands. He understands because first and foremost, He created us, flaws and all. He expects us to make mistakes. But He’s also waiting for us to run to His loving arms all the time. Thank you for being so honest. Blessings to you and your family. May you find comfort and peace in His presence.

    • Heather

      Isn’t He a wonderful God that He knows our faults and weaknesses and yet wants us to come to Him? Thanks for reading, Lux, and for your kind words.

  4. Rick

    Heather’s aunt, my sister. In the lower story we were devastated, in God’s upper story, he answered our prayers. She was healed, not the way we asked, but totally. She was a believer and we will see her again. Praise God!

  5. itallmattersmom

    I love those lyrics! I think to myself often, “I am so glad I am not God. I would totally ruin my life.” Just like someone mentioned above, we only see a portion of what He’s painting.

    • Heather

      Isn’t that the truth, Erin? I often presume to tell God how I think He should do things and then I think of stories in Scripture like Hezekiah and Abraham and remember that we are better to leave things in His hands rather than try to work them out our way. Thanks for reading, Erin. Blessings to you and yours.

  6. blessingcounterdeb

    So much truth here Heather. I have learned that “even if” I don’t understand and things are harder than I ever imagined . . . He is sovereign, loving, and faithful. Thank you for sharing your story and lifting us higher.

    • Heather

      It is wonderful when we can get to that place in our relationship with Him, isn’t it, Deb? There is such peace resting and trusting in Him. Thanks for all you do for His kingdom. Blessings.

    • Heather

      Helene, I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. I almost lost my uncle to lymphoma so I know what you are going through. Please know that I will keep you, him, and your family in my prayers for healing, peace, and comfort. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Blessings.

    • Heather

      Thanks for letting me know about that song. I will check it out. God is worthy of our praise even when we don’t understand His ways simply because He is God. Thanks for reading! Blessings.

  7. Sharon

    You know, Heather, I so related to what you said in this post. At the beginning of last year, God gave me the word “joy” as my word for the year. And I have had one of the most difficult years of my life, including the loss of my dad. I have questioned God, wrestled with Him, tried so very hard to understand what joy is in the midst of suffering and hardships. I think I’ve come to the same conclusions as you. God is good, and He never allows us to walk through anything alone. The joy is found when we discover HIM, even if life doesn’t work out the way we want it.

    For me, I’ve learned that JOY = Jesus, Only You.


    • Heather

      I am so sorry for your loss, Sharon. I know that I will face losing my dad one day and though I trust God completely, the thought of going through that is something I do not look forward to. Please know that I will keep you and yours in my prayers. I am so incredibly thankful that your word is joy and that you have learned to find that in Jesus! What a gift of peace He has given you. Thank you for sharing this with us today. Blessings to you and yours.

  8. Mindy

    I am sorry for your loss and can certainly identify with this struggle and thankful for His grace that allows us to go through this process and grow through it as well. Beautiful song lyrics – thanks for sharing bits of your story as well as the song.

    • Heather

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for leaving such a thoughtful comment, Mindy. I appreciate it. Blessings to you and yours.

  9. Gail Golden

    Yes, I’ve learned this very painful lesson. It is not easy to go through that valley, but there is peace on the other side. I think every believer has to come to that point of realization that He is G-d and say along with our brother Job, “Blessed is The Name of the L-rd.” Chris Tomlin has a song by that same title and I listen to it when days are hard. Thanks for your post, and may He comfort you in your loss. Stopped by from the FB group. Nice to meet you.

    • Heather

      Thank you, Gail, for taking the time to read and leave an encouraging comment. This is a painful part of life, but one that brings us into a closer relationship with the Lord, if we allow it. Blessings to you and yours and wonderful to meet you, too.

  10. Sharita ~7DaysTime (@7DaysTime)

    Sorry for your loss, sweet Heather. That is just so tough. God gave me a similar revelation when we dealt with the miscarriage of our first baby a couple of years ago. He led me to Habakkuk 3… “Though the olive crop fails… Yet I will rejoice in the Lord.”

    Praying for your heart today.

    • Heather

      Oh, Sharita, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. We have experienced that heartbreak as well. Thank you for sharing that verse and for your prayers. Blessings to you and yours.

  11. Laura

    I am sorry for your loss, I too understand the pain that comes with not being able to understand. I am thankful He reveals in part and still heals our hearts through loss drawing us into HIs arms even if we are kicking and screaming. His ways are not our ways, and this was one of the life changing verses He gave me during my time of healing,

    • Heather

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Laura. It is wonderful to be drawn into His arms, especially in the midst of our pain and grief. I’m so glad that you know His peace, too. Blessings to you and yours.

  12. Amanda Huffman

    I’m learning to trust in Him more and more. Becoming a mom completely changed my life and forced me to hand things over to him and trust in him. I didn’t realize how much I relied on myself until my sons arrival. God is God and I am not. Great truth. 🙂

    • Heather

      Becoming a parent really puts things into perspective doesn’t it, Amanda? Thanks for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts. Blessings to you and yours.

  13. passagethroughgrace

    Absolutely beautiful! Even if our prayers are not answered the way we wish, God is always with us. I have experienced loss as you describe and my prayers are with you and your family. I am so thankful that God is willing to walk by my side even on those days when I question everything that He knows is true but for some reason on that day I can’t feel it in my heart. Blessings!

    • Heather

      Amen and well said! Thank you for your prayers and for sharing your thoughts with us. We serve a God so loving that I am overwhelmed by His goodness at times, especially in the difficult ones. Blessings to you and yours.

  14. Jen Daugherty

    I’ve definitely been left scrambling, trying to figure things out and the “what” and “why” behind something…a different circumstance, but still, many of the same emotions. And eventually, I began to realize how much the Lord worked in me through the situation, even if I didn’t like it at the time.

    • Heather

      Thank you for sharing this with us, Jen. It is wonderful when we can look at situations we don’t like and see that God is working in them. Praying for you! Blessings to you and yours.

  15. Judith Kowles

    I don’t know the what and why behind some of the incredibly hard things that have happened in my life. God has allowed these to happen for a purpose and maybe just so He can become more real in my life.

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